The Surreal Life

I've had a couple surreal moments this last week. The first one wasn't anything big, just a knock-the-breath-out-of-me realization. As I was in the kitchen making dinner, Lizzie came down the hall and asked me a question (I don't even remember what it was about). I answered her and she went on her merry way and then it hit me: I am the mom!!!

Now that may sound rather obvious. "Duh, Joy! Don't you remember giving birth three times?!?! There weren't that many drugs!" Yes, of course I remember giving birth. However, I have transitioned from "mom of newborn" to "The Mom". "The Mom" is the person who always has the answers, is always in charge, always has something fun planned down the road, and always is trying to give her kids the best she can. It's a big job. That's how I remember seeing my mom while growing up and I can see that person reflected in my kids' eyes. They don't see all my insecurities, my past mistakes, my faults and flaws. They simply see "The Mom." Yikes! That's a lot to live up to.

My other surreal moment occurred at the end of swim lessons on Tuesday. At the end of the lesson, the teacher told the kids they could jump off the diving board if they wanted too. Lizzie got out of the pool with the kids who didn't want to, so I explained what they were going to do and she changed her mind.

Flashback: Growing up, jumping off the diving board was always a scary thing. It was every Friday of swim lessons and I have a crystal clear memory of standing at the end of that board and looking down to the lifeguard treading water waaaaay below and waiting for me to jump. If you didn't jump, another lifeguard would come out and "help" you. The deal in our house was if you jumped by yourself, you got the candy bar of your choice.

Fastforward to Tuesday afternoon. I decided not to make a big deal out of the diving board or to tell her about getting a candy bar, etc. because she had no idea what she had just agreed to do. She shivered and waited her turn in line and walked to the end of the board. When she looked down to her teacher it was like I was standing in her place feeling the same anxiety and fear. She tried to sit on the edge to slide in the water, but they told her she had to stand and jump. After a couple false starts, someone came out to the end and "helped" her in.

I was still really proud of her for just walking out to the end of the board. I couldn't believe how scared I was for her. It was like I was five years old again!! As we went home I told her that if she jumped off by herself the next time (with no "help") she could have the candy bar of her choice. Today she was ready to jump. While waiting in line, I asked her, "Are you going to jump all by yourself?" "Yes Mom!!" she replied determinedly. She walked to the end of the board and tried to sit down again. I said from the side, "Stand up and jump off on the count of three. One, two, three!" And she jumped!

She was so proud of herself and told me that she was "extremly brave" to jump by herself. What a funny experience it was for me though. Very surreal.

***We drove straight to the grocery store and picked out a candy bar on the way home. It was a great way to end swim lessons!!!